WTF Fanfiction

The good, the bad, and the ugly of fan fiction.
As an anon said, "Fanfiction by virgins E. L. James."
Please read the FAQ before asking questions!
Mighty Men Noodle'd

Icon by dreaminfantasys

Follow @wtffanfiction

August 19, 2013 10:29 pm

Things Used in Fanfiction as Lube & Condoms That Should Never Be Used as Lube or Condoms

Please feel free to send in all the different examples of lube you’ve seen in fanfiction that… really should not be used as lube.

Also check out the genitals list!

  • Lube
  1. Gravel
  2. Going in dry
  3. Crushed Doritos
  4. Honey
  5. Mayo (is also not an instrument)
  6. Shaving cream
  7. Beer
  8. Ammonia
  9. (Maple) syrup
  10. Ice cream
  11. Gasoline
  12. After shave
  13. Soap
  14. Grey matter
  15. Ink
  16. Motor oil
  17. Vapor rub
  18. Watermelon juice
  19. Lemon juice
  20. Melted butter
  21. Butter
  22. Vodka
  23. Glue
  24. Jelly
  25. Chocolate sauce/choco syrup/fondue
  26. Sweat
  27. Deep Heat (like the hot part of IcyHot)
  28. Cooking oil
  29. Mud
  30. Blood
  31. Aloe vera lotion
  32. Toothpaste
  33. Saliva
  34. Shampoo/Conditioner
  35. Spaghetti sauce
  36. Ditto the Pokemon
  37. Peanut butter
  38. Foundation (makeup)
  39. Acid
  40. Hand sanitizer
  41. Brandy
  42. Tomato juice/sauce
  43. A whole tomato
  44. Olive oil with flakes of oregano
  45. Olive oil
  46. Cookie dough
  47. Melted sugar
  48. Sugar
  49. Cream filling from an Oreo cookie
  50. Unnamed chemical compounds
  51. Drool
  52. Cheesecake
  53. Johnson’s Baby Shampoo
  54. Tears
  55. Molten lead
  56. Sand
  57. Brownie batter
  58. Aloe
  59. Plasma
  60. Rat poison
  61. Liquid Nitrogen
  62. Sun screen
  63. Body butter/lotion
  64. Bong water
  65. Shit
  66. Yellow mustard
  67. Grape juice
  68. Popsicle
  69. Fish juice
  70. Mashed potatoes
  71. Melted frozen yogurt
  72. Hot sauce
  73. Lava
  74. Salsa
  75. Natural oils of a horse
  76. Pages from a book
  77. Mpreg breastmilk
  78. Snow
  79. Monster slime (as in, slimes that swallow things and dissolve those things)
  80. Chalk
  81. Milkshakes
  82. Applesauce
  83. Aerosal deodorant
  84. Marshmallow fluff
  85. Vaseline
  86. Raw egg
  87. Clown paint
  88. Cake batter
  89. Gun oil
  90. Cough syrup
  91. Movie theater popcorn butter
  92. Glass
  93. Kitty litter
  94. Snot
  95. Guacamole
  96. Wallpaper paste
  97. Cum
  98. Diarrhea
  99. Holy oil
  100. Vanilla pudding
  101. Frosting
  102. Seal oil (from boiling seal fat)
  103. Tree sap
  104. Spiked egg nog
  105. Diet Coke
  106. Horseradish sauce
  107. A jellyfish
  108. Holy water
  109. Potions (like in Harry Potter)
  110. Laundry detergent
  111. Easter eggs
  112. Melted candle wax
  113. Bird poop
  114. Butane
  115. Lysol
  116. Tears of children
  117. Penile sweat
  118. Ass juices
  119. Coffee
  120. Milk
  121. Corn syrup
  122. Viscera
  123. Ichor
  124. Beef stew
  125. Medi-gel (In Mass Effect, it’s used as a sealant to grip flesh tight until the wounded person can get proper medical attention)
  126. Liquid from a can of Vienna sausages
  127. Gellato
  128. Poison
  129. Kool-Aid
  130. Body paint
  131. Natural alien lubrication
  132. Napalm
  133. Nutella
  134. Barbeque sauce
  135. Paint
  136. Urine
  137. Rose oil
  138. Cooking grease
  139. Hair grease/hair gel
  140. Souls
  141. Sun tan lotion
  142. Nail polish
  143. Machine grease
  144. Oil paint
  145. Dirt
  146. Pie
  147. Various slimy animals
  148. Huberd’s Shoe Grease
  149. Castor oil
  150. Wasabi
  151. Pancake batter
  152. Hot bacon grease
  153. Mushed eyeball
  154. Lamp oil/kerosene
  155. Werewolf spit with magical lubricating properties
  156. Natural vaginal lubricant used for anal
  157. Mechanical lubricant
  158. Sweet & sour sauce
  159. Ketchup
  160. Fear toxin (from Batman)
  161. Peppermint candy
  162. Marmite
  163. Birthing fluid
  164. Plum sauce
  165. Pieces of chocolate
  166. Salt water
  167. Chocolate cake
  168. Blueberry muffin batter (a stray blueberry was used to stimulate the prostate)
  169. Oil secreted from glands on Gabriel’s wings that helps clean them
  170. Electricity
  171. Egg whites
  172. Frozen strawberries
  173. Hydrogen Peroxide
  174. Peeled ginger root juice
  175. Crisco
  176. Cologne
  177. Violin varnish
  178. Industrial grease
  179. Vanilla lip gloss
  180. Questionable, mysterious green alleyway slime
  181. A mixture of cum and strawberry syrup
  182. Melted cheese
  183. Orange juice
  184. OxyClean
  185. Wood varnish/polish
  186. Champagne
  187. (Apple) pie filling
  188. Rendered bear fat
  189. Burn oinment
  190. Flame thrower fuel
  191. Mixture of poop, blood, and beer
  192. Peppermint extract
  193. Vanilla extract
  194. Whipped cream
  195. Arizona Iced Tea
  196. Neosporin
  197. Rectal discharge
  198. Salad dressing
  199. Menstrual blood
  200. Mashed banana
  201. Soy sauce
  202. Chicken juice
  203. Tea
  204. A dead hamster
  205. Cheerios and milk
  206. BB balm
  207. Mucus
  208. The concept of social lubricant
  209. Shadow Magic (from Yu Gi Oh!)
  210. Chlorine
  211. Bleach
  212. Chocolate milk
  213. Mineral oil
  214. Whale oil (from a lamp)
  215. Wet cement
  216. Cream cheese frosting
  217. Black bean sauce
  218. Avocado
  219. Lube from a condom (but not using the condom itself)
  220. Placenta
  221. Soup, with onions and carrots
  222. Tentacle slime
  223. Phil’s poo (from Dan & Phil)
  224. Inorganic pus-like refuse from Tony Stark’s arc reactor
  225. Hair dye
  226. Mashed chapstick
  227. Big Mac sauce, ketchup, and crushed french fries
  228. Harp oil (for the strings)
  229. Apple juice
  230. Cocoa
  231. Tiger Balm
  232. Machine oil
  233. Complementary hotel shampoo
  234. Lion saliva
  235. Wine
  236. Antibiotic ointment
  • Condoms
  1. Banana peel
  2. Used chip bag
  3. Saran wrap
  4. Gym socks
  5. Soda cans
  6. Poison ivy
  7. Cocoons
  8. Dead slime cube (from Minecraft)
  9. Bubblegum
  10. PVC pipe
  11. Candy wrapper
  12. Helmet from a suit of armor (same place as book pages as lube)
  13. Melted crayons
  14. Duct tape
  15. Tin foil
  16. Sandwich bag
  17. Condom wrapper
  18. Shower cap
  19. Toupee
  20. Scarf made of dragon scales
  21. Foam can coozy
  22. Silly putty
  23. Cookie dough
  24. Shopping bag
  25. Cardboard tube
  26. Popsicle wrapper
  27. Plantain leaves
  28. Dead lizard
  29. Glove
  30. Elsa’s ice
  31. "another, admittedly very small, person"
  32. Dead skin
  1. frezez reblogged this from squeesquee
  2. sweetgingham reblogged this from fistingmyself
  3. leavetheskinon reblogged this from drunken-witch-of-time
  4. theehermyg reblogged this from wtffanfiction
  5. papallion reblogged this from wtffanfiction and added:
    Most of these straddle the fine line between hilarious and horrifying.
  6. all-of-the-homo13 reblogged this from wtffanfiction
  7. bloodedknight reblogged this from wtffanfiction
  8. squeesquee reblogged this from wtffanfiction
  9. theladymiya reblogged this from ozzzymandius
  10. ozzzymandius reblogged this from serpentinred
  11. mrmrtofu reblogged this from princette
  12. leprechaunkoalas reblogged this from trotskiresort
  13. tooshorttocontaintheproof reblogged this from wtffanfiction
  14. queerfucking reblogged this from fistingmyself
  15. bond-torn-by-pride reblogged this from johnblacksads
  16. jeremis reblogged this from johnblacksads
  17. notmartinfreeman reblogged this from wtffanfiction
  18. somethingobnoxii reblogged this from flowerforestbiomes